Joshua Keith Craft

0:53 I don't think blame is ever the the answer. And if you spend too much time fixated on why you blame. Like I was talking to a friend of ours today actually and he was asking me he's in this com he's having some kind of conversation with an atheist and this atheist is like you know that's great that you believe in God and you believe God blesses you and you know blah blah blah but I can't believe in a God who allows like rape to happen slavery to happen all this bad stuff to happen and um so that that what that person's looking for is someone to blame for human problems. All those problems are created by human beings. He's not talking about natural disasters. He's not talking about acts of God. He's talking about things that people do to other people. So my conversation with our friend was, you know, it's kind of an adversarial discussion. So I don't really necessarily have those with people like I like it's like our podcast. I don't want to have debates. You know, I want to have actual dialogue where people are open to hear open to ideas.

1:54 Saying that statement means I'm really not open to the idea of God. But it's cool that you as a small-minded person believe in that. Yeah. Right. But I'm like higher minded. I'm And they're So my number one question to people that have that say that kind of stuff is, okay, I get it. There's all these problems in the world. You feel like God's not fixing them. I'd like to know what you're doing about them. Well, I would ask them, where did you get the where did you get the idea that that that God shouldn't allow any of those? Yeah. Well, I I think the first question is you've identified problems, right? What are you doing to fix them? Well, I don't do anything about slavery. I don't do anything about kids being mistreated. I don't, but you know, someone should, right? So, it's moralizing and like grandstanding for me to I for me to say there's all these problems in the world that God should be fixing, but I'm the one that's living here, right? Having to watch this happen. Yeah. Right. But the but the second thing the second thing to me is uh looking at human problems. So when you believe in God and you believe in like let's say biblical Christianity or Christian ethic, what comes with that is the understanding that the problem of evil in the world is people. It's not the devil, right?

2:59 It's not a bunch of other stuff. Jeremiah 17 says the human heart is desperately wicked. So there's a solution to that evil, right? There's a cause for that evil which is us. The cause is not the solution. The cause is not or the solution is not well we committed original sin as human beings. So now we should stop sinning, right? The the the solution is Jesus, right? The solution is Jesus came. He wants to transform your heart. He wants to change who you are as a person from the inside out. So if more people, and this is what I was saying to our friend, if more people had a relationship with God and followed Jesus, the world would be less evil. Yeah. Big time. And so much of like the world's much better now than it was even 200 years ago or a thousand years ago, right? We're moving in the right direction. And a lot of moving in the right direction has to do with the advancement of the Christian ethic in right in the world. Whether someone wants to disagree with that or not, it's just reality, right? Slavery was ended by Christians. Christians are Christianity and the church throughout the history of the world has done more for social services and helping people than any other entity that's ever existed. That's like beyond Yeah.

4:13 to to to even debate that is like beyond proof. It's it's so so that's the thing about Christianity is this idea that okay, there's evil in the world, there's problems of evil. God's the solution to that. And the more we lean into God, the less evil we can become on this side of eternity. Well, if you're an atheist and you see what people do as evil, we've ne we've now agreed like if you're an atheist, I'm not. Yeah. We agree that people are evil and do evil things to each other, right? The problem is I have a solution to that. You don't. Well, and you have to ask somebody if you don't believe in any God, like what makes that evil. Yeah. Because truly there has to be somebody that defines what what what's just and right. So you're so you you and you and it's it's on both sides of that equation because on one hand you think that God is going to God if he does exist is going to subscribe to your morality. Yeah. Yeah. And that's really what it is. It's self-exaltation. On the other hand, in your mind, God doesn't exist. So, what's so what's the fix for the evil in the world where there there just is no fix. There's no way for us to fix it.

5:11 It's just a crappy, horrible world that we live in. Well, I can't I can't subscribe to that unless they catch you in that one week whenever that comes in where you're already in that. Yeah. Well, that's probably what would help me pull out of it is dealing with an idiot. So, what we need to deal with Next time you're in a funk, dude, just send me a text like 911. I'll send an idiot to your house. Send me Yeah. Send me like a person who wants to foolishly debate things. Dude, I'll be that's that's me being your friend. Yeah. Send me a person who wants to debate why we should be nihilist and then I'll I'll go you know what then I don't have time to be this way. I don't have time to be this way. We got to get on the positive side. Yeah. We just solved your problem. How But that's but that's what to me that's what like philosophy is is me sitting there with myself and discussing with myself. It's not like a discussion in terms of logic. How about your reasoning? Yeah. me me reasoning with myself about how how unreasonable I am being right and taking the time to be able to do that and having people around me honestly that understand that like Courtney with me you know what I told her this week cuz I just kind of had some of that happen this week in my own life and um she said this to me this week which I feel like was an amazing gift to me and that's like she's like well I'd prefer that you just wouldn't say anything to me at all and you just work through that and let me know you're working through that rather than you ever be like mean or negative towards the family. And I've never been that way towards my family.

6:31 Yeah. But cuz my my thing in talking to her was like, "Yeah, I've had this deal and I've tried really hard, you know, I said I don't want that to affect our relationship cuz I'm more real with Courtney than I'm going to be with my kids." Oh, yeah. Obviously. I don't want that to affect our relationship. I've tried really hard not to not to come across any of this way to our kids, but I'm just I've just had to deal with this this week. Yeah. And so when we went to dinner last night, she was like, you know, it's fine. Like I I don't take that personal. We've been married for 12 years or almost 12 years. I don't take that personal. Um and I'd rather you just be quiet and be disengaged. And cuz I'm like sitting there, I'm telling her, you know, I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm like internally navigating this conversation. Yeah. And I don't have a lot of energy for anything else. And she's like, well, that's that's okay. But the truth is it's only okay as much as I'm willing to be healthy. Right.

7:23 Right. And so I can't stay there. And that's that's the thing is I have to give myself really enough mental time and space to be able to navigate my way through that. And now I have I've spent a lot of my life developing the tools. Yeah. That that give me the ability to have a conversation with myself and fix it cuz No, I know too much. the problem with like getting leadership and being in rooms of development like the problem of uh even like Christianity for instance like people come to church they hear all the Bible they know everything there is to know and the problem with that is you can you can just decide to not access any of that right well you have the and you have the burden of knowledge you can't say I didn't know can't say I don't know but at the same time you don't really care so for me someone coming in and telling me hey here's what you need to do you need to get more positive or here's the playbook or here's how you get out of this. I'm like, you know what? I don't need you talking to me right now. I know all that stuff already.

8:20 Yeah. I don't I don't I'm not asking for your help. So, the only person that can navigate me out of that is well, me and God. Yeah. But I think I think you touched on like that you said I don't care. And I I think we can may start to head head for home here, but like clearly you care enough to not put it on your kids and your wife. And so that level of caresseness, as your dad would say, is is like is what kind of keeps you aware of it, right? Because I cuz I think that that's the that that's where the the I think like if you were on your own like imagine you didn't have a wife and kids and like you were just left to your own devices where I think it's so it's so dangerous for people to be able to just isolate themselves and live in their own little bubble and and you know whatever they think is is unchallenged. That's a really dangerous place to be. And and I think like self-awareness like I said I think it's a skill that's highly underrated. And the more you get aware of like your emotions being indicators, right? like you talked about, you know, that those things are coming around because it's like you talked about how other people it's like they'll have an internal monologue with themselves and they'll just be like, man, that really made me mad or like like you know the story will stop like this, man, this guy did this thing today made me so mad. And you're like, really? And so like I tell my kids, I'm like, no one can make you mad. You know what? No, you you because of the way you think, you've you've assigned, like you said, you've assigned some value to this that has generated that emotion.

9:38 Well, it's like Zig Ziggler said, don't be a wandering generality. to be meaningful, specific. I haven't heard that. I like that. So, most people live their life in their wondering generalities. Right. Right. And what I mean by that is they don't mean anything specific to anybody and they don't want to. Right. Right. Like, so they don't get married, they don't have kids, they don't have any form of responsibility, they don't serve anybody, they don't make their life about anybody except themselves and then they wonder why they don't have any meaning and purpose. Right? So the thing that you know and that this was like a lot of the conversation I have with myself when I enter the state is like you don't have the luxury to be this way right. So yeah, man. You know, you got to deal with your crap. And this is a, you know, it was way worse when I was younger. Way worse, you know. Um, so now it's like you got to deal with this, man, because there's you have responsibilities. Like you have people that you're counting on.

10:33 Like I know this this is, you know, I want to be sensitive to even myself and but at the same time, like your wife's taking care of two twins that are just born. They're six weeks old. You have all this responsibility with your kids. You can't just lay in bed. Yeah. You got you got 15 coaching calls you got to have this week. You got all this stuff that's going on. You got to preach. You got to do this. You got to do that. So, up. Let's Yeah. You can do it. I I I mean, I love what Jim Ran said, too. He said, "Do it you do it easy or do it hard. Just get it done." Yeah. So, for me, I go, "Okay, well, you know, we'll get healthy on the way, right?" like because I can't if you if you understand the dynamic of having responsibility which I think most people don't in especially in the western world man when people really talk about struggling with this stuff like again I I navigate it right I have to deal with it in my own life but I'm not giving myself permission to be depressed you know and it's not that I don't believe in that it's just what a what a great first world problem to have dude it really is right that you can sit here and be like wo is me and you can spend all this time thinking about yourself.

11:39 Yeah. And no time thinking about anybody else. And I'm And I know that's insensitive to people that struggle with like% true mental health things and stuff like that. And there's real biology and chemistry and all of that. But what transcends and to me personally, what transcends all of that is how you decide to think. Yeah. And and what I always what I always tell people that are like, man, I'm just struggling with this or I'm struggling with that is you need to get a lot more responsibility. You need to find a way to be more meaningful. And the way to be more meaningful is to figure out who you need to go add value to. Like you need to go on a missions trip. Like for me, people that I've known that are that really go I'm just struggling. I'm in a depressed time. The number one thing I see is all they're thinking about is themselves. Yep. Big time. Right. So, hey, what I want you to do is I want you to schedule a missions trip to Nigeria or I want you to go to to Uganda or I want you to go to China or I want you to go somewhere where you can see what people deal with or go to go to anywhere in America. Go to Skidro in America. Go see what people deal with that don't have the luxury of being depressed and then come back and let me know about your depression.

12:46 Yeah. Right. And so there's, you know, there's outliers to that. I'm not a I'm not a trained psychologist. Dr. Britney would probably be like, "Hey, wait, hang on just a second." Yeah. But dude, what what you're talking about though, man, is ownership. And And I And I do think it's it's perspective. Like if you cuz you know, like you're saying in like 1700s where it was like, hey, what are you going to do today? I'm going to survive. Not many people were going like, you know what? I just don't know if this really matters to me anymore. Cuz now we have like survival's assumed and we have the comfort like what we said. But like when I I remember there was this moment. And it's so funny cuz like my friend who did this has completely forgotten about it. But for me it's like a defining moment in my life. So I was depressed for and like alcohol dependent. I say alcohol dependent because the only time I felt anything was when I drank which was why I drank which like I remember man I remember being so relieved. I'm like oh it's just nice to feel like that was a real thought I had. It feels like a whole another person man to think about that. This was in my 20s. Maybe maybe I'll join you in the whole 20s suck train.

13:42 Hey man we're not there anymore. We're not in our 20s. It's praise the Lord. But so I remember my I I'd been down and like not not a lot of people like I don't think Rian realized how bad it was. Matter of fact, I know she didn't. Um and not a lot of people really knew cuz like in England you don't really talk about stuff like you just you know stiff upper lip. Just shove it down there. It'll be all right. And um and so like I remember my buddy like I I talked to him a little bit about just how just down I was. So he got me this pamphlet on depression and he and he gave it to me and it was like a caring thing to do. This is like one of my best friends over there and he's a guy that I'm still close with over there. I remember I read through this pamphlet, dude, and and Josh, it was all on offer for me. Come in. Like, and the language in the pamphlet was so like you have a disease. It was like I caught depression at the the county fair. And like what I realized, I'm just I'm depressed reading this. But dude, but but think about what a lucid thought this is. I'm depressed, bro. I don't feel anything. And like I'm focused on myself. Everything you just said, that was me. Like I I the mission trip, I probably need that, man. Cuz I just tried to fill up my own cup like, "Oh, I need to drink to make myself feel something cuz that's going to make me feel." It was just such a, you know, praise the Lord, I've married such an amazing wife to put up with that. But I remember reading this pamphlet, dude, and even though I was really jacked up, I had this such a moment of clarity to be like, if I do what this pamphlet's telling me and I go into this clinic or wherever they were saying I could go, I'm basically handing off all the all the ownership because what I was really clear on, they were basically going to come in and say, "Hey, you can't help this. Like, this is a really tough thing. You have this disease. We're going to give you some stuff, but like this isn't your fault." like it was so caring and nurturing of the wrong things. I remember I read it and I'm praise God that this was definitely God kind of going, "Okay, he's mine. I'm going to protect him. Like I can't put it down to anything else."

15:22 But dude, I remember in that moment I was like, I can't go down that because if I go down that road, I can't come back. That's honestly how I felt. And I was so clear about it, man. I mean, like I get chills talking about it because it was like a defining moment in my life. Well, my dad's always said whatever you blame controls you, you know, and and that sounds bad, but a lot of people prefer to be controlled by what they can't control, right? So, when you're told you have this issue and it's not really your fault, well, the great news is it's not your responsibility to fix either. That's the easy way out, man. Right? So, it's not your fault, which means the fix is not your responsibility. what we need to do and this is like a this is this happens in all kinds of different rooms like this happens whenever people go well I was raised by a narcissist which has become like a really normal thing to talk about everyone's a narcissist you know every parent that millennials had was a narcissist right they're just awful right and and that's the reason why just blame your parents yeah that's the reason why I I'm irresponsible and I'm a mess and I have really bad problem because my my parents were narcissist yeah my parents are narcissist And well, the great news is the great news about figuring out whose fault it is is that you're not responsible to fix it. So, hey, just go no contact with your parents. That'll fix your life.

16:35 Yeah, definitely. Right. Just cut out anybody who hurts your feelings. Toxic people, Josh. Yeah. Because guess what? Your feelings aren't your fault. And whenever it's not your fault, it's not your responsibility either. Yeah. So, fault and responsibility always go hand in hand. So if I sit there and this is like ultimately my conversation that's what self-awareness I think people don't want to be self-aware. I think that's like fundamentally at the end of the day as an adult you've been given many opportunities to become self-aware and you just not taking them because subconsciously I think the problem with self-awareness is you now have to realize how much of your life is your fault. Yeah. You got to do something about it and how much of it is also your responsibility. So people, what's crazy to me, man, is people would prefer to be powerless than to be powerful. And what I mean by that is whatever whatever I blame controls me, right? So whatever I blame has all the power in my life.

17:34 Yeah. What most people would prefer to do is blame everything in their life on something they couldn't control. on external situations, on their parents, on the the boss, on the whatever, on the culture, on the economy, on all that. And so the great the great news is that or I guess the good news of that is that when you do that, the only way to get change to happen is if circumstances completely change that you also can't control. Yeah, maybe you'll get lucky. But but hey, man, you're powerless. So you just have to sit here and life sucks. But then on the other hand, Yeah. Okay. On the other hand, when you go, you know what, it's my fault. Then you go, oh, it's my responsibility. So, I am not. So, I look at my life and I go, well, I'm I'm my fault. Right? What I'm what I mean by that is the my state of being like how I am and whatever whatever the causes are, whatever the dynamics are, whatever the blame could be, I'm going to do as much as I can to take as much responsibility for myself.

18:34 Yeah. so that I can work on the fix the fixing it. Yeah. It doesn't work any other way, man. Because if I Yeah. So, I would rather sit there and that's where I'm saying like going and finding blame and fixing fault and figuring out why it it it matters to an extent, but for me personally, it doesn't matter a lot cuz the more the more a person does that, the more they're getting on the side of I can't control this. Yeah. And you're right though. I mean, I think I think just that kind of sheds light on it because for me, what's interesting is that um is that we uh I I think about these from the macro level because what I find so fascinating about human beings is we're so conditionable. And so I always I'm very I from a young age like I think I don't know this is maybe God's 1% in me. I've always been conscious of what's being developed in me that wasn't meant to be developed in me. So like for example, I grow up in a house, right? My parents tell me everything to do. Okay, great. Just listen to your parents. That's how you have a good life. Go to school. Do what they tell you. That's how you have a good life. Then when you get 18, suddenly it's like you could do whatever you want. You're like, "Wait, what?

19:27 You've had 18 years of people telling you like if your parents haven't raised you to be independent or you don't have some strong like natural obstinence in you or you know whatever, call it whatever. You haven't been exposed to people who have have helped you with that. Maybe you'll go to college." Why? Cuz once again, you get told what to do. Well, then when you get out, man, I need a job to tell me what to do. And like I I don't think people realize how much they're conditioned that way. And so we have these thought process. I was listening to one today talking about people who have gambling addict on another podcast that I enjoy and he was like it's no through no fault of their own and I'm like dude through every fault of their own cuz cuz like you said it doesn't matter if if someone brought them up and said like let's say it was let's say like undeniably you could say this was 100% my parents fault the answer is still the same like you said until you decide to take ownership of what you have it doesn't change yeah cuz the question is is this the life you want?

20:18 Yeah. Well, yeah. That's I mean, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you're you get this you get this one shot, bro. Like, you get you get this like this is your one this Well, maybe not your one marriage, but for me, it's my one marriage, right? Like, this is your one goround. Yeah. And this is how you want it to be is that you live that you live that out. Not fixing anything, not helping anything move forward, just being a victim of circumstance. And that's why God created you to put you on the earth so you could be victimized by life. and then hopefully go to heaven and have all your trauma healed. I just can't I that at the end of the day for me, I can't subscribe to that. I can't look at my life and go, you know, this is just it and everything's garbage and it all sucks. It's like no, like I have responsibilities. I have things that I've taken on, but I also can live a great life. And that's go back to the Zigg quote, right? It's I'm not going to be a wandering generality.

21:13 I'm gonna I'm gonna try my best to become a meaningful specific. They go, "You know what? The reason why no matter how I feel about myself, right, and that's that's what you're saying and that's what you're saying about your own life." I think I think probably if you if you would have had kids, right, back when you were dealing with that, you wouldn't have been in that way different. Yeah. Cuz I because kids are self more selfish than anybody. That's what's great about kids. It's It's just the truth. I always think for selfish people, have a kid because they're the only like kids are the only people that'll be more selfish than you and you need it. You need someone to overpower you. So, so the thing is what's helped me deal with that is having responsibilities. Yeah. Is going, you know what? I can't if I'm going to be a good dad and not cause damage to my kids. Yeah. That they would have to deal with. Uh I can't be this way. And I have to deal with that. Not like push it down. I have to deal with it and learn to solve the problems. Learn to navigate through the dynamic even if it keeps coming up over and over again in my life. Because that's the testimony. Like one day when my kids are older and they struggle with stuff or as they grow it's like them I I'll be able to say look man I've struggled with the same kind of stuff I've had to navigate the same kind of things and have you and I the opportunity hopefully that I get to have with them is to tell them hey have you ever seen me project that on everybody?

22:29 Yeah. Like have you here's what I've carried here's what I've had to navigate like once they're at a maturity level we can have that conversation. Have you ever seen me just blow up my life because of all the crap that was happening? No, we don't do that. The way that we roll is we know how important we are to other people's health, to this the the state of the earth, we know how much power we have within ourselves to determine our experience. And even, you know, to me, man, honestly, even if none of what I'm saying is true and we're all just victims of circumstance, no, dude, I would prefer to be delusional. Like I would prefer to be a delusional person who thinks that I really can control myself than live on the side of life that's like you know what it's just you're just so man it just sucks. It's all bad. It's all awful. Just forget about the whole thing. Yeah. You know, and when we choose to when we choose to fall victim to circumstance, right, we give our we give our we give our responsibility and responsibility can be a heavy weight to carry for life. We give our power away. Yeah. But when you give responsibility away, you also give power away. And that's that's what comes with it.

23:40 Thank you for listening to The Dialog. Make sure to like, share, and subscribe. And also, if you think someone else would enjoy this, please send it to them. If you want to get in touch or learn more about me, what I think, speak, and write, you can go to joshuacraft.com, or you can also follow Nick and I on Instagram. Our handles are in the show notes. We'll see you next time.